Back again. Am now on my third dating site. Just to be clear I usually only due 3 months just to get a different prospective, besides that is the shortest affordable way.
Update on the interesting guy. Well he was real and a very nice man. We hate 3 "dates" dinners actually and couple at my house. He lived a fair distance away, I offered to meet half way or come to his place, it only seemed fair to share the travel time. It just never happened. He was embarrassed of his small place, he loved the drive, stuff like that. Stuff kept coming up and finally he said he broke down in church over this dating thing!  Okay.  Needless to say with kind words I let him off the hook.
After him I connected with another guy who "wasn't really from so and so" but just working in the area. He was really from Prescott, AZ and he wanted to continue via emails. Okay I was smart and check him out, yes he was on FB, but yet it said he was married. OK? So I get an email from a totally different name with all this lovely words and how he wants to know me. Suckered once again only I called him on it at the end of the email. Didn't get an answer back. But my profile got hijacked. Great! Luckily the email was not the one associated with my profile but it still caused problems with that profile. So I cancelled it and told what had happened and I THINK that is over with.
SO, I wait a couple of weeks and try yet another one. Now I am not trying just any ole site, OurTime and now Zoosk are the ones.  On this one, message a couple, some are too far away to even think about, wink at some just the normal. I am not good at this because if they don't feel right I don't respond, which according to the "site" is a no-no. Talk, talk, etc. Well anyway, this guy has the funniest message right off the bat. He was ok looking, younger, but there was something. Messages commence and the texting, man the texting! I had too clear out my phone twice! It was so much fun!! Finally, we are going to meet half way. He has to work late. OK no big deal. We schedule a redate for 2 days later. Everything going good, I talk to him couple hours before he's to leave for the date he tells me what he is going to do before and then about an hour later he sends text he's on his way to ER! Long story short he has afib stays in hospital over night, has cath next day. I check by text on how he is, he keeps me updated, he texted when he gets home. OK. On Monday this week, we make plans to meet again here on Tues. Everything is set. Come time for him to be here, nothing. Couple hours later I text "I guess something has come up?" no answer. Next morning I text "Are you okay?" no answer.
Still nothing. I am heartbroken. I had fallen in love with the idea, real romantic or gullible most likely, and I am tore between being totally pissed and worried about his heart issue!!!  Man, this is not worth it. So I have been up and down all week. I have prayed. I have cussed. It is like first crush breakup all over again. Just a side not, he was a real person, I do try and check as much as I can. So yesterday I bought a V-day card, very non committal, and sent with it a letter. Now the first page was very sweet and concerned, which I was, and how disappointed I was. Hope he was okay, would like to know why or just that he was okay and thanks for the fun. THEN later I added a second page where the pissed me spoke!!!!!!  So now it is Saturday, I still have trouble not thinking about him. I know I was just in love with the idea but still it hurts!
So now I have to start again. Damn I hate this. So slowly it will go on!!!  Later gator,  til next installment of "Dating as a widow"

Well, it has almost been a year since I have posted.  And 2 1/2 years have passed since I became a widow.  I think it is harder now than it was then.  Mostly because I am ready to go ahead with my life but in order to do that to some extent you have to get out there and meet men.
I understand married friends are not going to "fix you up" for various reasons and that is okay. So the other option is dating sites. At first they are intriguing but after a while they start to tear down your confidence, destroy your self acceptance and totally drive you over the edge. I learned early on not to set your hopes up. Now don't get me wrong I have met some very nice men but only one was up front and said I was not his type. The others think they are kind or maybe they intend to reconnect but they just don't. Now I don't bug them. Send texts a few times taking cues from them, like normal, but quit when they are obviously just polite replies. I am no dummie. Ok, someone is going to say, well you must come off as needy. I am not needy, I am sure that was my first mistake on my first foray into this type of dating. So I had a talk with myself and hopefully that is not an issue. But you know I met a really nice guy last week, we had texted and talked for a few weeks before we met and he is really great. So there seems to be something there but.........   I get so mad at myself when I let myself believe.  I have no idea what I expect from this post but I feel a iddy bit better. 

I am back

Did not realize it had been so long since I posted here.  A lot has happened.  My daughter got married 4 years ago in April.  They are having trouble now.  My grandson is 16 now.  And it has been a year and a half since my husband died.

I guess I am doing okay. I have had a lot of support but still have done a lot on my own.  I am capable that is not the issue.  I miss my companion.  I have started over before, after two divorces, but this is different.

I decided to try Match.com, boy that takes a lot of courage.  It really makes you do some soul searching.  I plan on cancelling my subscription, I don't need the desperation.

I know no one reads this blog, but that is okay.

I am okay.

Animal view of Couch usage

Something new to play with.

Taken this summer after a heavy rain, a crawdad made its way up to the house.  Naturally, cat is curious.  Quite funny watching.  But alas the little guy won!!!!

Barn Cat!

This Cat likes his Christmas tree.