Well, it has almost been a year since I have posted.  And 2 1/2 years have passed since I became a widow.  I think it is harder now than it was then.  Mostly because I am ready to go ahead with my life but in order to do that to some extent you have to get out there and meet men.
I understand married friends are not going to "fix you up" for various reasons and that is okay. So the other option is dating sites. At first they are intriguing but after a while they start to tear down your confidence, destroy your self acceptance and totally drive you over the edge. I learned early on not to set your hopes up. Now don't get me wrong I have met some very nice men but only one was up front and said I was not his type. The others think they are kind or maybe they intend to reconnect but they just don't. Now I don't bug them. Send texts a few times taking cues from them, like normal, but quit when they are obviously just polite replies. I am no dummie. Ok, someone is going to say, well you must come off as needy. I am not needy, I am sure that was my first mistake on my first foray into this type of dating. So I had a talk with myself and hopefully that is not an issue. But you know I met a really nice guy last week, we had texted and talked for a few weeks before we met and he is really great. So there seems to be something there but.........   I get so mad at myself when I let myself believe.  I have no idea what I expect from this post but I feel a iddy bit better.